Journey Of A Novel

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1st Draft

Research and writing

Tanya V 24 February 2021

The pace of writing has slowed down but not the pace of the process. To continue writing with a flow I need to sort out theme and symbolism to carry through the piece, and to give myself a heads-up for clarity moving forward. It’s not that every little part of the novel has to be planned in advance, but I do need a clear direction to head in.

Writing with a flow again is in sight but I’m not quite there yet. I’m keen to get back to it but each time I sit to write I think about another ‘bit’ that I need to research because it directly relates from where I’m at and to where I’m going. When I have a clear view of what I’m writing I do it calmly and get a lot done, when I have a vague idea I get muddled and can’t focus because my mind gets lost in the what ifs and what abouts that I might work in later. I work better moving forward with as clear a vision as I can get sorted in my mind.

The thought of cycling back over the story forever adding little bits and pieces, and inspecting my work retrospectively feels incongruous to any progress so I have baulked at moving forward until I get some things straight in my mind. Yes, I’ll have to go back over my work continuously as I keep writing but I want to do it in such a way that I’m present with where I’m at in the story telling. Chunking together bits and pieces out of sync with their place in the narrative has felt disjointed when I’ve tried that approach before. Writing as I am now chronologically with the bones of the narrative at my side to refer to as a map feels right. I feel like I’m on an adventure because there’s a large unknown element in the writing of it, but I also feel like I know the way.

Pausing to go over my research and add to has opened up the structure creating a narrative that moves through the story in parts much better than I had roughed out to begin with. Revisiting my research with fresh eyes has introduced a new depth to the protagonist who has gone from being a sketchy character in parts to a complex individual who I hope to do justice to by documenting their struggle with the human condition.

I’m learning a lot. I have notes to write in the chapter outlines, story points to add, and new layers of dimension to add to my protagonist. The time researching has been very helpful.

Balance, routine and going with the flow

Tanya V 21 February 2021

Taking time away from the spurt of writing that I had done provided perspective on where I’m at. Reading back over what I had worked on in the space of a short week left me feeling good. It was difficult to keep up the pace that I had been working at, it wasn’t sustainable for keeping in mind the big picture of what I’m doing. No doubt though, it was good to get through a chunk of writing – I got a lot of work done in those few days. It’ll have to be refined and edited further but it’s good for now, and because I got so much done I can see better what I’m establishing in regard to both the project and process.

It was difficult to come to terms with the gap that I created by stopping for a few days. I felt like a failure but realise that I should leave the drama for the novel and accept that I can only keep up an intensity like that for stretches of a few days. Working like that had my mind swimming in words, and images, and ideas, and I was too close to everything to see clearly what I was doing. It had to stop, at least for some breathing space. Returning with fresh eyes was an intimidating idea because I’d stepped away when I was no longer able to see where I was at so when I stepped back in again to pick up where I left off, I expected to be disappointed.

When I took a step back from writing I struggled with guilt at the idea that I had failed because I couldn’t keep up a constant pace. I’m really annoyed now that I even let it bother me because it’s delusional to think that anything can be accomplished with mechanical regularity by a human being, especially a creative task. I got caught up in the notion that balance and consistency mean doing things without any variation; yet I know that theory and practice are two very separate things in reality.

Striking a balance is perhaps harder than establishing a routine. Balance with anything from minuscule amounts to gigantic proportions can be achieved so I’m left rolling my eyes at the headspace wasted over theorising a conceptual idea to apply to my writing practice. It’s a waste of my time – I have writing to do!

From this point on my focus is shifting to what I have to do rather than how to do it. I’ve discovered that part of ‘going with the flow’ of creativity is feeling it not forcing it.

Chapter none and pondering humour

Tanya V 15 February 2021

If I was drawing a picture instead of writing a novel then this wouldn’t even be the sketching stage. This would be me in kindergarten with crayons drawing a house and a tree and scrawling my name in the corner for placement on the fridge at the end of the day. Yep, I’m writing with training wheels, it’s helpful for me to accept this to push aside any angst over what I think I should be doing as opposed to what I am doing.

I’m making progress with slow and certain steps. When writing the page is as jumbled as the thoughts in my head, thoughts that are the story in fragments. Pressing through to create some clarity in the form is an unrelenting task. That’s fine though, I’ve accepted that it’s not something that will just fall into place. I have to keep going slowly.

With the majority of chapter one laid out in a document as bits and pieces of writing that I’ve written over time along with detail from different sources of the myth/ folktale that I’m taking some structure from, and character descriptions, and sections of symbolism – it’s all a bit of a mess right now. The writing runs together as a narrative that tells with little to no showing. For the past day I’ve been making notes at points where I want to show what’s happening. Points that show I can get to know the character/s, who they are, how they interact and what they are like as humans. Telling is a good option for sections of this as a tale while arcing the narrative with detail as showing to step into the story with the characters to inhabit their world.

The story is big, the tale is timeless, so I have room to let the story be the star against the backdrop of humanity. If my characters are removed from the foreground of the storytelling it won’t harm the telling of it. I do need to have the characters be up front and centre though to inhabit the role that they’ll play, to let them own it and be it and do justice to the story. These are the thoughts that run through my mind as I progress and why I know that I have to go slow.

On top of all these serious thoughts I keep pondering humour, I’d like to sneak some in. That’s what it is to be human after all isn’t it? A little bit funny or able to see the funny side of life. Something quirky, silly or absurd could be fun.

Word scavenger powers activated

Tanya V 14 February 2021

I spent the last day or so tinkering away at what I’ve pieced together while thinking that there’s more that I’ve written on this section somewhere in my saved files. I searched through past writing and found what I was looking for this morning. The timing has worked well, if I’d found it sooner it would have bent my brain trying to process the repeat writing I have of story parts along with the different angles I’ve taken on scenes along with the varied tone I’ve applied over the years.

Reminding myself of the progress that I’m making is a great motivator. Being real about the fact that progress relies on throwing away words as much as keeping them helps to keep my focus on the story and not on the word count. Writing with brevity is a skill that I covet so I feel good about deleting as I go. I have copies of all work that I’ve written saved and filed away elsewhere so nothing is ever lost, it’s just not on the page that’s my workspace.

The story bones are good in the extra writing I found.

For the rest of the day I’ll switch up my roll from storyteller to scavenger and pick away at those bones seeking out the juicy marrow of the story. I’m better equipped to do this now than I was a week or more ago when I was still solidifying style and voice in my mind. Inevitably with this new find I will go back yet again to where I have spent the week already to potentially edit in more past work. *sigh

The task feels like it’s ever expanding. I reflect on where I’m at regularly and just when I get a handle on it, it seems to grow a bit more. It doesn’t feel bad, just overwhelming – being overwhelmed in itself isn’t bad but an indicator of how new this process is to me.

I’m grateful for the time I have to write, I’m happy when I reach a point that gives me a sense of achievement, but the reality is that I’m distracted by images in my mind of me sitting on the couch mindlessly watching favourite films that I know by heart and am not challenged by. I excel at what some call procrastination with a natural ability for it, but it gives me no satisfaction. Using my time to listlessly ramble through the day is something that I’m very skilled at with years of experience to draw upon and it’s calling to me as I sit pondering what will happen next to people who don’t exist in a place that never was.

The curious new thing happening though is that I cannot stop thinking about my story. I look forward to getting to ‘that part’ to see what happens when I develop ‘that bit’ and how my characters will respond to ‘those happenings’. Patience, persistence, and curiosity are taking me forward.

Bottom-line – I’m excited about applying myself to this task.

Embracing the process

Tanya V 13 February 2021

First thing when I wake up I am writing. Today before I began I took some time to reflect on where I’m at, how it’s going and what I am doing.

Writing the first chapter with a purposeful patience isn’t easy but I’m happy with my progress at adopting this approach. There’s so much to address at the beginning with setting, character, themes, foreshadowing and tone. I want to include everything but in a spare way that introduces a time, place, world, and people without overwhelming the story itself.

Starting at the beginning of my story as I am gives some back story to the protagonist. To start the protagonist is a child, just for a few pages; those pages are shaping up nicely, childhood will hopefully be left behind very soon.

I’m cutting, pasting and rearranging so many words that it feels more like a game of scrabble than writing a novel. When all the juggling of word placement settles though I manage to experience those sweet spots where it flows and everything seems just right – then I realise that I need to squeeze a bit in between two paragraphs that run together and so the cycle continues…

Checking in with my conscious mind is necessary as the novel writing process has me communing between my conscious and subconscious which is as exhausting as it is satisfying. Chronicling the journey of my creative process here helps me get out of the stop and start progress of writing. The relief that I feel when I sit writing the journey of my novel knowing that it’s short, that it will end and will help me to keep going is aaaahhhhh … great. Writing these planning and progress updates are as helpful as going for a walk in the sunshine.

I am getting a lot done, writing, habit building, creating dopamine, engaging in my process.

The speed of this whole process is revealing itself to me and I’m coming to terms with the fact that I can only do so much. I’d really like to achieve more at once which I think is a symptom of having this project on the backburner for so many years. It’s been simmering away in my subconscious inhabiting my imagination and parodying itself in the modern-day world. I know it so well that I just want to magic it onto the page, but I am only human, and this is a disappointing reality that I’m digesting and humbly coming to terms with.

The content that I’m writing is growing and changing daily. I’m not rewriting, I’m tweaking.

The story is growing in ways that I couldn’t previously have conceived of but that make great sense within the context of the story bones and character development. I’m beginning to get an excitable anticipation when I write because I’m wondering what will happen next just like when reading a book written by another. I’ve experienced this before but not ongoing or on this scale as I journey through time and space with my protagonist.