9th chapter – Journey Of A Novel

The ugly lights

Tanya V 29 October 2022

The ugly lights is what my friends and I call the house lights that are turned on at the end of the night when the party is over and it’s time to get going. A ‘good night’ is when you stay as long as you can but leave before the ugly lights come on; it’s all in the timing.

I’m not confident that I can apply the same sort of timing to my writing, I think that perhaps the ugly lights have already come on and that I need to just step away from the keyboard. BUT! It doesn’t feel done to me. I’m tinkering and tweaking and walking away to give some space then returning with a sigh and a head scratch at the state of the final chapter.

A friend gave me a writing book that details the process; I skipped to the end hoping for some insight about my final chapter only to be met with an overview of the incongruousness of fiction and reality. The author talked about suspension of disbelief versus reality, and how life doesn’t have tidy endings so it can be challenging for a writer to end their story.

It was a good point and I take it.

Within the game plan that I’ve made for myself the state of this chapter is the most incomplete that I have left any chapter to date, but I am going to suck it up and move on. I promised myself at least 3 drafts so reluctantly I will move forward. In starting over from the beginning again with fresh eyes I hope to find the right ending.

The end is near

Tanya V 23 October 2022

The final chapter of the 2nd draft is almost done. Yes I’ve been dragging my feet, yes I’ve been out of my writing routine, yes I am intimidated by the idea of reaching ‘the next stage’. Completing this chapter takes me to the next step of my writing journey which is a whole new realm of the unknown.

I have plans for what’s next being to print out and read through the entire second draft with pen in hand to take notes as I go. I want to edit the bigger picture for cohesiveness of the story. My expectation is that I’ll have to better articulate themes, revisit imagery and bring together character development points. The tricky part will be to work through this without being distracted by small details that don’t really matter until I get to that point in drafting.

Writing this novel had been such a long journey that I want it to end yet cannot imagine being without it. I’m very wary of circling over the task endlessly so want to move forward progressively with an end in sight.

If all goes well my plan to write will go to plan.

So, the end is near and I’m not sure how to feel about that. With still 1000 words to write I’m not certain that I like the direction that I’m writing in, or if I’ve said all I need to say, or if I’ve done the protagonist and story justice, or if I’m ready for the end.

Breathing space

Tanya V 29 August 2022

Got a job, lost that job, moved house, moved to a new region, completed a couple of courses, currently doing another course to learn a new skill, learned to use a chainsaw, and still writing my novel.

All of these things and more have taken my attention away from writing the journal of my novel. A new chapter has begun in my own life which caused me to loose track of my writing routine, but now, back to it!

The final chapter of the 2nd draft is three quarters done. There will be some polishing off when all of the words are written, even so, I am tantalisingly close to moving onto the 3rd draft. Writing this last chapter is challenging. I’m very conscious of it being the end of the tale that I am telling, and determined to write the ending that the story deserves. The novel’s themes of self discovery, self empowerment, self knowledge, and all of the other ‘selfisms’ come to a resolution as such, but there is no ending to personal evolution. My dilemma in writing the ending then has become to do justice to the story and protagonist without making a blah ending that leaves people exasperatedly asking ‘Is that it?’, or a vague, cryptic ode to life.

In the first draft I wrote an ending that has set me up to write the ending that I want but it is lacking in a way that I can’t quite pinpoint. Time, space and writing will bring the ending needed onto the page, so I’m taking my time, and writing with gaps on the page that I’ll revisit and flesh out.

The end is near, I can feel it, I have faith that it will come to me fully formed if I give it my attention but also some breathing space.

I never really got it before…

Tanya V 13 June 2022

I used to live in a two-storey house where I would find myself going upstairs to get something then going all the way back downstairs before I realised that I had forgotten what I intended to get. When I arrived downstairs I always had something in hand, and was glad to have it, but it wasn’t what I went all the way upstairs for. I liken writing the 2nd draft to this experience. There are parts that I have intentions for when I revisit them but once I get there other ideas crowd in, or inspiration takes over and the best of intentions get swept away in a flow of creativity.

When I lived in the two-storey house I consoled myself by treating the experience as an opportunity to improve my memory, focus and get a workout by doing extra stair runs. Comparatively with writing, I am beginning to understand this is an opportunity to step back and consider my intentions with a broader perspective that includes having the 3rd draft in sight.

I am learning first-hand why multiple drafts are needed – I never really got it before…

I’ve written my way through to chapter nine which I should finish soon. It’s surprising to me that I’ve written my way to this point. Also, I have reorganised and catalogued my research because I was wasting time looking over old notes.

The two-storey home did help with my memory, my planning, and toned my calves and I became grateful for it as I improved. Writing drafts in much the same way is bringing my story into focus.

Take two

Tanya V 26 March 2022

I had a realisation about my first draft that came with a wave of relief – I’m done!!

I’d had in my mind that I needed to write more, two chapters perhaps, to follow the ancient tale that I’ve taken the story structure from. To do that though I’d be paying lip service to the architecture of the narrative rather than writing the story as it needs to be with the underpinning structure sitting in the background as support for what I have written. Having the storyline to keep me on track has definitely kept me from looping into creative angst where I sat paralysed within the scope of my imagination unable to write the words because I couldn’t commit to what happened next.

For me, in reference to my creative process at least, there has been freedom within structure.

So my protagonist has reached the end of their journey; the circle is complete.

Today I am beginning the process of second draft writing. Some chapters will need more work than others with all chapters needing to be revisited. I’ve already created a file with notes on the work needed including changing the structure to create flow from one chapter to another, the idea behind this is to give the whole novel rhythm. Other major points of focus for the second draft are imagery and themes being woven together and carried throughout the piece. Also, there’s the task of throwing away words which will be hard but needs to be done.

I’m feeling a little shell-shocked to have reached this stage and beginning to explore the reality of publishing. It’s still a while off but I am one step closer, closer than I have ever been before, and that feels good. My publishing plans are non-committal meaning that if I have options to publish then great, if not, then I’ll do it myself for myself. I’ve chosen to write this novel because it’s good for my soul to do so, or heart and mind, or self, or whatever works to best refer to that inner need for self expression.

Handling shi(f)t

Tanya V 27 February 2022

I wrote about 500 words more since I last posted. Not a lot but still it is written and I’m happy with it. The chapter that I am writing has passed on to the next part; I had found it difficult to process where I am at in the story. Initially I had planned for this to be the last chapter, but that was long ago before I could envision where my words would lead me and now I find that I will need to write another chapter or two beyond this one to tell the tale.
The circle is almost complete in terms of the heroes’ journey formula with my character taking fresh steps on a trodden path with new insights. With that I have been mindful of capturing the change along with the familiarity and hope that I can do this idea justice.
Next is the ‘anticlimax’ for ‘final challenge’ where my protagonist will confirm above all else the change within by demonstrating innate change within their world. I want this to be more of an internal recognition; I want the protagonist to quietly surprise themselves with the change that they demonstrate. The best way that I can think to do this is by demonstrating an emotional shift in reaction to the world about them. An enactment of them handling their shi(f)t without the need for an external reference point.
The closer I get to the end the more keen I become to return to the start with fresh eyes after having written so many words since I began. There is a cohesiveness that I plan to weave through with imagery and themes and ideas. If I can pull off what I have in mind I’ll be happy with the result and that will be very satisfying indeed.

The things that make up reality

Tanya V 23 January 2022

Over the past couple of weeks I’ve been inching my way through the current chapter stitching together a transition between who my protagonist was and who they are becoming with a changing landscape that reflects their changed state of mind. The landscape is the same … but different.

The person likewise is the same, but different.

It’s more than perspective because there is real change and this has been part of the challenge of writing this chapter for me. I want to demonstrate change in such a way that it’s subtle rather that having a sharp shift in reality.

I’m working through the point of return to self for my protagonist on their hero’s journey so I want to capture the return of something familiar along with demonstrating the change that has occurred. There’s an intangibility about the things that make up reality that I’m finding challenging to capture – I like a challenge though.

The story is set in a different time period from the one that we live in now, nevertheless I’m writing my way through a human experience that we all have. In our time it most likely equates with that feeling when you are almost home. When it’s the last leg of the journey and everything that felt far away feels so close once again. You know, when you’re in the car, about 20 minutes away after travelling already for 2 hours or more, when you’ve been away from home for a week or more. You’re close enough to home to feel as if you’re already there but still far enough away to only be experiencing an idealised version of reality in your mind?
That’s where I’m at.

The next chapter

Tanya V 8 January 2022

I’ve reached the next chapter. It’s such a big statement for me to make, I’m nearing the end of the first draft, the protagonist is closer to the end of their journey, change is recognised and letting go of what was is in play. This all applies to my creative process as much as to the narrative itself. I’m reflecting on what I’ve written, what has happened and how I got from there to here with the objective now being how to tie it all together.

How do I want it to end?

At the beginning of this process I would have asked myself that question with the intention of answering it and having practical steps to follow that achieved exactly what I intended. I know better now though.

How I want it to end versus how it ends will likely be two very different things.

I’ve come to enjoy this uncertainty. I’ve come to understand that there is no point wasting valuable time in speculation, I’ve realised through practice that I can only find out what I’ll write through writing.

It all seems fairly simple and logical but previous to this documented and (mostly) regular writing process I’d taken a lot of time and effort thinking through what, how, why, etc without achieving anything but a flair for cultivating angst.

Recognising myself in this process, my anxieties, the second guessing, my failings and susceptibility to the human condition have all become a handy reference point for content development. A main point of focus for this project has always been that it is a story about anyone and everyone – a story about being human. As I’ve written through the past year I’ve come to embrace my humanness more and more relishing the insights that I’ve gained in translating the human experience by acknowledging my own.