Journey Of A Novel

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Meetings of old and new

Tanya V 6 October 2021

At the midpoint of the current chapter there is a pause to stop in the past going back to what was, to where that place exists, to facing the past by speaking to the people there. Some characters are still there living as they had been and diminished by the powerlessness they submit to in a world where there is no room for exploration, others have been ignited by recognising the limits to push beyond and are ready to shrug off identities that no longer serve like heavy winter coats on a summer’s day. New characters have appeared here also, and when the protagonist meets them they are able to see more clearly who they were compared to who they have become, and the bullet they have dodged by moving on – although I am writing about a time when no bullets existed so, of course this metaphor will not apply within the novel itself.

A sense of letting go, getting on with it and moving on accompanies a path of exploration into an unknown that previously had been so unknowable that it was inconceivable. This tangent into an unrealised reality has revealed an aspect of the protagonist’s character that provides comfort and an acceptance of constant change within the self and the world around them. Old structures have been uprooted in the recognition of this inner shift, stories of identity have been let go and depth of self has been recognised allowing for a sense of freedom rather than being bogged down by constraints that no longer serve any purpose. The change in the protagonist is recognisable by other characters who want to inhabit that change for themselves but cannot because they must seek their own change, so must seek out their own true character.

There’s different kinds of epiphanies, big ones are most notable but they also come as smaller moments that ultimately have a big affect on the individual. The protagonist has had a few already as they’ve journeyed through the narrative seeking out things that never came to be. With each unrealised goal a realisation of different sorts has emerged from the experience. Given that these moments were born out of a lack of knowledge of the self they were bigger, different, and new experiences of the self for the protagonist. As I write into the last chapters the protagonist’s sense of self grows and the ‘new’ becomes less surprising. The superficiality of change has crept below the surface and the protagonist has settled into the discovery of their depths with a backtrack over old ground on the journey into the new, which serves to highlight the change that has occurred within against the backdrop of an unchanged landscape. The tale that I have chosen for the bones of the story fits the hero’s journey model as many ancient tales do; the hero is now transiting the return, or return to self.

Crowded thoughts

Tanya V 8 September 2021

I had some sad moments writing the part that I’m working through when I wrote about the protagonist being in a busy marketplace with a diverse crowd where there is the buzz of humanity all around going about their lives while standing shoulder to shoulder. I miss crowds. To get the feel of it I really had to stretch my mind back to think of different experiences I’ve had in life where there has been a large, busy crowd caught up in the everydayness of life with everyday worries.

The crowd served as an essential element, a character made up of endless characters if you like, that provided contrast and a point of comparison between the masses and the individual.

The story has had many twists and turns but with the new chapter that I’ve written 1000 words towards so far the protagonist is off in a new direction altogether. A sense of self and realisations from a different perspective have allowed for a new course of action and a literal new course through the world by navigating in unexplored territory.

This section is a turning point in the story where the finer details are unclear as yet so I am focusing on the happenings as they happen by writing through the bigger, more obvious elements. With the end of a first draft novel in sight I am becoming blasé about writing the detail and more concerned with churning out the content. It’s a shift in gears for my approach to the process that I’ve been developing since the beginning of the year. At first I began struggling to get beyond perfecting a point, a scene or an idea then moved beyond that to writing through with the narrative playing out and have progressed to laying down the bones. I’m still writing as much as I was when I sit down and do the work but my mindset has certainly changed.

There’s still chapters – plural – to write before I can claim to have completed a first draft novel but with the end so near I feel like I’m running down hill with the result being my focus has become covering ground rather than contemplating each step.

Before I am even there I have begun to plan how I will shape the second draft and even pondered a third draft. Beyond that I don’t know, and coming back to well before that, it’s back to work with the end in sight.

Beyond words

Tanya V 18 May 2021

The jumble of words that I had written over the past few years had confused me enough to need a timeout. Time to reflect, time to reassess, time to understand what I was trying to achieve with the parts of chapter five that I had written with large gaps in between each writing session. The gaps in time are very obvious with a different feel to each piece. How to best use what I had and decipher something coherent was very challenging and I didn’t know how to get started.

Then I had an epiphany. I went to one of my storytelling happy places, a place beyond words, beyond characters, beyond setting and out of structure. A place that I enthusiastically discuss with any who will geek out with me about a book read or film watched, or even a painting. Symbolism! Words are secondary to what we can convey without them. It took me a while to shake off the cycling over of ideas and words that I had written down to go beyond to what it’s all about.

I’ve embraced the polarities of light and dark to ease into chapter five and it has worked, I’ve managed to let go of my angst over details and settle into the bigger picture. The symbolism that I am exploring and including is more than just light and dark, but I need to keep it simple to work through the dizzying cloud of words that have clogged up my vision. The other symbolic elements that I want to work in will come as I write through the highlights and shadows.

I came to the realisation of what I needed to do when I couldn’t sleep, I have a habit of thinking through my story when I can’t sleep to stop the monkey mind from keeping me awake. Lately I’d avoided this practise because I felt defeated by all the words and neglected the fact that for me thinking about it as a sleepy preoccupation leaves no room for words. A bit of a downside though is that I can’t sleep when I get in the flow of the story and so sit up into the night tapping away at my computer feeling tired but also satisfied. At the same time because I am tired I can only work for so long before I have to stop which gives me time and space to reflect before I write again. At times when I write wide awake and clear-headed, I write for so long that I feel detached from the process and resentful of it, when I have shorter sessions I have better momentum.

I’ve made a dent in the first draft of chapter five and although I have only just begun to write it but I have covered a lot more ground with the 1000 or so words that I’ve kept than I have in the past couple of weeks.

Balance, routine and going with the flow

Tanya V 21 February 2021

Taking time away from the spurt of writing that I had done provided perspective on where I’m at. Reading back over what I had worked on in the space of a short week left me feeling good. It was difficult to keep up the pace that I had been working at, it wasn’t sustainable for keeping in mind the big picture of what I’m doing. No doubt though, it was good to get through a chunk of writing – I got a lot of work done in those few days. It’ll have to be refined and edited further but it’s good for now, and because I got so much done I can see better what I’m establishing in regard to both the project and process.

It was difficult to come to terms with the gap that I created by stopping for a few days. I felt like a failure but realise that I should leave the drama for the novel and accept that I can only keep up an intensity like that for stretches of a few days. Working like that had my mind swimming in words, and images, and ideas, and I was too close to everything to see clearly what I was doing. It had to stop, at least for some breathing space. Returning with fresh eyes was an intimidating idea because I’d stepped away when I was no longer able to see where I was at so when I stepped back in again to pick up where I left off, I expected to be disappointed.

When I took a step back from writing I struggled with guilt at the idea that I had failed because I couldn’t keep up a constant pace. I’m really annoyed now that I even let it bother me because it’s delusional to think that anything can be accomplished with mechanical regularity by a human being, especially a creative task. I got caught up in the notion that balance and consistency mean doing things without any variation; yet I know that theory and practice are two very separate things in reality.

Striking a balance is perhaps harder than establishing a routine. Balance with anything from minuscule amounts to gigantic proportions can be achieved so I’m left rolling my eyes at the headspace wasted over theorising a conceptual idea to apply to my writing practice. It’s a waste of my time – I have writing to do!

From this point on my focus is shifting to what I have to do rather than how to do it. I’ve discovered that part of ‘going with the flow’ of creativity is feeling it not forcing it.